The Story Behind "EVEN MORE"... & More
December 2015. It was a cold night and it was late. I was sobbing while driving my car on some backroads near my house. I was crying and praying and questioning why my mom was still suffering. The big question was racing through my head: "How could a good God allow suffering?" It was certainly a time to address this mind-boggling question. My head and my heart knew the answer, but my flesh didn't want to accept it.
In any kind of suffering, we want someone or something to get the blame.
- Why was mom suffering?
In scripture we see over and over again that God allows His people to go through suffering and hardships. If you think you have suffered for years, try over 400 years of slavery in Egypt, PLUS 40 years in the wilderness ON THE EDGE of the promise land just a stone's throw away. (insert upside-down smiley emoji) Israel was God's chosen people and they suffered.
In the New Testament, Stephen was stoned to death for proclaiming Christ, you were murdered for being a Christian, & Peter was hung upside down on a cross. God allows suffering and He is sovereign in the midst of our storms. All those people that have died are currently partaking in the ever-increasing glory of Jesus Christ right now. Worth it? I'd say so.
- Did she do something wrong?
Truth is, we all did and still do something wrong. SIN. Romans says that no one is righteous; not even one. Romans 6:23 says "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life." So we actually deserve death, much less suffering. Ephesians 2:8 says that "It is by GRACE that you have been saved." Jesus calls us out of suffering and into eternal glory with Him. Our works, which are polluted with sin, would have never saved us anyways.
- Is God to blame?
God is all-powerful over suffering and trials. In the end, God wins. (Which means we also win.)
Suffering becomes momentary and light affliction allowing us to grow in endurance, character, and a Hope that does NOT disappoint. (Romans 5:1-5)
So I can say God took my mom, but I can also "blame" or credit Him for the giving her the glory of heaven where she will no longer have pain, she will see her mother, be able to walk, AND see Jesus. So honestly, I'm okay with that.
- Do we not believe God could heal her?
We totally believe He could have. HE DID. No, it's not the way we would have preferred, but I have to trust God's unchanging character. If He is a good God, and He is, I can rest in knowing He chose to take her now rather than later without completely understanding why. One day we will see and understand His perfect ways. God has not failed and He never will.
I knew all these truths and still have to reflect upon them daily. It doesn't make suffering any easier. It doesn't make it fair. It just hurts for a while. However, one eternal day we will be in heaven. Every earthly pain, struggle, trial or hardship will pale in comparison to the glory of Jesus Christ. The Lord gets all the glory and calls us out of darkness and into the light of His glory.
I remember praying that night. I said something along the lines of:
Lord, I don't know what you are doing. I don't understand it. But I will trust You EVEN MORE. I pray for mom to be completely healed in whatever way that You choose. If you won't heal her on earth, I pray the you take her. To be with You Lord is far greater than to suffer here.
A week or so went by, and mom passed away to be with the Lord.
Paul says in Philippians 1:21 "For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."
Today, I still question why mom had to leave. But I've learned that God is sovereign and that she didn't leave "too soon." He knew the days of her life before she was even born. Nothing took God by surprise. Scripture tells us in (James 1:2-4) that we will face trials of "various kinds" and to consider it "pure joy" when we face them. He tells us how to face trials because we will face trials. Trials are meant to strengthen us, refine us, draw us near to God, and to most importantly glorify the Lord. I pray that whatever you face today; you would allow it to teach you more about the character of Christ. Be sure that you use scripture to try to understand what He is teaching you. He understands suffering because He suffered for us. He is still sovereign. Your trials, (which are miniscule compared to His glory) are for HIS GLORY and your good. (Romans 8:18, 8:28)
LOVE Y'ALL!
-Lydia